Insight

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There seems to be this new phenomenon in the therapy world that everyone is talking about called Internal Family Systems, which is more popularly known as IFS. People are saying that it’s this new modality of therapy that makes all the difference. What is IFS, and why is it such a hot form of therapy that people are turning to?

When it comes to therapy modalities, there are so many different letters. There is CBT, DBT, CPT, EFT, ACT, EMDR, IFS, as well as many other letters. Looking at all the different letters can be confusing and make people feel more lost as to what option for help to turn to. What makes IFS unique and more popular than the other modalities?

For starters, different modalities can be more suited for different struggles and issues that people are coming into therapy with. For example, when it comes to trauma, one of the most popular modalities used is EMDR, which stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. When therapists work with couples, the go-to modalities are usually EFT and The Gottman Method. Though these are the go-to therapy methods of treatment, therapists often sprinkle in other modalities as well to complement the main one they are using.

Then there is IFS. IFS is used to treat a large range of issues, from general life stressors like relationship, grief, and career issues, to self-esteem and anxiety. IFS has been found to help process trauma as well as many other issues that bring people into therapy. Let’s get down to understanding what Internal Family Systems means and how it can be helpful.

At first glance, Internal Family Systems sounds like it is referring to the relationship between members of a family. The reality is that the family IFS is referring to is the different parts inside each individual person. People have many different parts, which can range from joy to anxiety and many other parts in between.

A person is born with a blank slate, and as time goes by, they go through different life experiences. As they go through these experiences, different parts are born. Something that’s important to remember is that all parts are good. Yes, that’s right—anxiety, fear, doubt, and other parts that can come across as negative are actually good parts.

These parts are also known as protectors. They are there to protect the self from getting hurt by people and the environment around them. You might wonder how anxiety, which seems so disruptive, is actually good for a person. The reality is that anxiety can be helpful for people as long as it’s managed.

Let’s understand anxiety. Anxiety is being uncomfortable with uncertainty. There are plenty of things we go through in life that are uncertain and do not trigger anxiety; it’s when we are uncomfortable with an uncertainty that the anxiety begins to creep in. You may notice anxiety in the form of increased heart rate, rapid breathing, sweating, trembling, cold hands, dizziness, nausea, lightheadedness, or the butterfly feeling in your stomach.

Anxiety is your body’s way of telling you that you are about to go through an experience that you are not used to. A great way to reframe the thought process regarding anxiety is to look at all those physical symptoms that you may be experiencing as your body’s way of preparing you to overcome or succeed in the new task that lies ahead.

Typically, what a person may do, especially when not understanding that all parts are good, is try to push away the feelings they are experiencing. What happens then internally is that the anxiety part feels that you aren’t noticing what is best for you and it fights harder. Externally, you then begin to go through an anxious loop, creating even more anxiety.

When a part feels the need to take over, it can do one of two things. It can become a manager, or it can become a firefighter. A manager is a part that looks a lot like avoidance. It may say something like, “If I don’t ask for a raise, I can’t get rejected.” Although it is trying to help you, in actuality, it may be preventing you from pushing yourself to grow. With a firefighter, there is only one goal: to put out the fire.

If you’ve ever walked through the scene after a fire, everything is destroyed. The ceilings and walls are ripped out, the windows are shattered, and the carpets are waterlogged. Everything in the moment is destroyed with one goal: get the fire out and deal with the aftereffects later. The firefighter part may say something like, “If you drink a lot of alcohol, you won’t have this feeling of anxiety that you are experiencing right now,” without thinking about the effects on your liver or the fact that you have a very important meeting the next day, which you will probably bomb because you won’t be in your right state of mind.

The goal of IFS therapy is to learn to coexist with the parts without them feeling the need to take over completely to protect you. We want to befriend the parts that we may have been pushing away in the past and create a relationship where the feelings can be there to benefit you. When we learn to understand each part and its role in our system, we can actually appreciate the part and understand how it is playing a role in protecting you.

Contributed by: By Eli Weinreb, LMSW